Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Dear Mother....

Dear Mother,

If only we could see you, talk to you..hear you....

After God, it is a mother who is everything to her child. Mother, it must have broken your heart to know that you are going to be away from your children forever! It must have left a scar which never fades in the lives of those who love you. It must have been a great sorrow for all whom you influenced with your love and affection.

Mother dear, times have gone by and father has left us to join you. We have joined your children and you both must be looking down on us now. The void that was created is always felt. We miss you dear mother. Your earthly remains may be buried and may be ignored and forgotten by others but, how can we ever forget you when you are always with us. You live in our thoughts and hearts. Your presence is felt in the blood and flesh of your children and still your grand children. We are glad that atleast we have that part of you in us though we miss everything else. The relationship we might have had with your siblings. We might have known about you more from them.

We miss you and we love you as we remember the day you were born (October 23).

Resembles your son???

Resembles your son?

Arun Paul, Anand Pradeep, Usha Anand & Shoba Arun.

Monday, February 04, 2013

Gossip, Lies, Hurt and You...

Wherefore hidest thou thy face, and forgettest our affliction and our oppression? Psalm 44:24

 How does one feel when being cornered by problems caused by vicious people and their lies? And if you are a person who trusts God, how do you react? How long can patience keep you up? Think...Think...Think...I realize this is a scenario of being tested!!!

Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. James 1:12

Oh??!! The whole mystery lies in one word... LOVE!!!! Love God then love your neighbor as yourself. Is it a cake walk to love someone who intimidates and crushes you mentally? Is it easy to love someone who plays with your mind! Well! Not easy for me of course. But I need to have God's love in me to overcome my enemies. God loved me when I was a sinner.

It indeed feels awesome to be in the center of God's plan, feels awesome to ask God to use us for his glory, feels awesome to think God is using us as a vessel to bring honor to his name. But it is not so easy as I thought it would be. Loving and forgiving is the most difficult thing to do especially when your heart is already broken and hurt is constricting the breath in your lungs. When it looks bleak, think of Christ's death on the cross, all beaten and bleeding till water and blood came out...Am I that much hurt that there is only water and blood coming out of me? Definitely NO!!! Then what is stopping me? Oh!!! Just let go off my pride. We do mistakes and how it looks when you are proven guilty? Its the same to others. Just forgive them even before they realize it. 

Think of David and Saul! Saul seeking David's life and David running for it. 

Think of Israelites groaning under the Egyptian tyrants.

Think of Hagar crying for her dying son in the wilderness.

Has God closed his eyes? or is God not answering me? and the worst doubt ever...Does God hate me? WOW! Couple that with mood swings, what a perfect loop hole for the devil to enter and play with my mind!! 

Though that is what my mind is subjected to now, I do believe God wont leave me. It is trying my patience and sometimes I just become almost mad and hysterical with constant trouble before my eyes when I try to ignore and go past it, it somehow makes its way into my mind. And there is this constant argument between my  mind and heart. But do I trust in God or believe my thoughts and believe people? Oh!!!! Am wrong! Gravely wrong! I need to trust God! He created me, inscribed me on the palms of his hands, loves me as the apple of His eye and forgave me when I was happily ignorant of His love which forgave my sins before I could realize them.

How vile could vile person be? 

Oh??!!! Can I forgive someone who could think of nothing but to hate me? Can I forgive someone who concocts lies against me? Can I forgive someone who back-stabs me while pouring a bucket of honey over me? 

I should forgive them!!! 

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Romans 12:19

That is what Jesus did for me so why not I follow that? It is difficult but If I do then in the end, I'll own a crown of life which would make it all for the life that I live in this world :-) 

Father I do forgive them!

And all this assembly shall know that the LORD saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the LORD'S, and he will give you into our hands. 1 Samuel 17:47

So sit back, relax and be prepared to see the glory of God!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


Whoa! What a start I had this week! But today am sleepwalking!!! Am not out of the nightmare I had last night. And am not out of the creepy blues it gave me and now I stare sleepy eyed at the monitor. Phew!!! I read paranormal stories when i feel bored. But why do they sneak in your brains and frighten when you are the least expecting them?

Last night, I dreamed of myself in a college kind of scenario with seniors ragging us in a friendly manner making us to answer their questions in some sort of sign language taught by them. Suddenly they change into people wearing black hooded long garments making us to do the same thing they had taught us earlier. This sent me into a dizzy as I was wondering what these things meant? Then they revealed that they were agents of satan making us too as them.

Oh My God!!!! Why am I plagued with such dreams? I saw myself telling those hooded guys that I was not the one for that kind of work. I protested that I am the child of Jesus and bought by His blood shed for me. I struggle a bit and TA DA am awake and in vague remembrance of the dream!!! So I simply lie down again and try to remember what the dream was about and the whole thing comes back again. I try to sleep but am immobile and frozen. So I guess that is what 'Powers of darkness' means. I then try to pray and take little courage to turn my head and look at my husband and he was there sleeping peacefully. I was asking God to remove the fear out of me. I close my eyes and then the black hooded guy is there in front of me.

I then think of one thing. Call my parents. I call my dad with the same feeling when you as a kid run into your mother's arms for safety and I mumble that I had a nightmare and am afraid. My dad hands over the phone to my mom and she advised me to say aloud all the verses from the Bible that it will surely drive the fear away from my heart and then prayed for me. I then take up my Bible and say aloud all the verses that God has promised for us His children. I realize that it is our responsibility to ask and claim them. I also realize that I have come too far away from God. I decided to revive that part of myself to devote to God what is God's and I then prayed and dozed off.

So the time when 'powers of darkness rules' passed on and my husband wakes me up. I really felt so tired and sleepy and sick resisting all temptations of '5 min more'. I then sleep walk, sleep cook and get ready and come to office feeling still sick and sleepy, longing for a peaceful sleep and rest. And so the next cycle starts all over again waiting for the weekend.

"Surely there is no enchantment against Jacob, neither is there any divination against Israel..." Numbers 23: 23

Monday, June 18, 2012

Looking forward to Monday!!!!

Yay!!! So here I emerge elated over my achievement this weekend!!! I am so happy and content with it and had a peaceful sleep with a great feeling of looking forward to a Monday morning:):):)

So what was the achievement? Phew!!! It was such a herculean task that I wanted to finish! In my never ending struggle of juggling work and home, I save up most of the household chores for the weekend. And so this weekend was waiting for me to have the whole of my time dedicated to my home.

So the working woman transforms into a home maker already tired of writing plans over and over to organize work to be done on a Saturday. Did I mention that there were several of those plans and failed attempts on countless Saturdays. But this weekend was enough that made me to put a full stop to it. I had several boxes of things waiting to be opened for almost over a month. I had moved my things to my husband's home and so is this fuss over the organization of the things.Finally, I took the courage to open the boxes, one by one and sort out the things. Hours and hours passed and things slowly get to know their final destinations in the house and the work is partially done and I stop in between for lunch and rest.

 Ahhh!!! There is something more. The afternoon on this fateful day calls all the employees of my company to assemble for some events which are periodically conducted and which also mentions attendance is mandatory. What are those events this time? Singing, poetry etc etc...Whoa!!!my attendance is mandatory for that silly thing (am sorry dear office) when there is a huge pile of boxes eying me slyly each morning when I leave to office contantly reminding of the mess they were in. But thanks to my team lead who was so considerate to let me take a permission for my absence in the office.

Then slowly, all the boxes get opened and sorted one after the other and the whole house gets cleaned up and shines to its glory, thanks to my better half who gave me a lending hand throughout the process. The final result? A complete happiness joy and the feeling of being content, making the weekend complete with the effort put on some valuable result-yielding work and above all making me a partial housewife (at least this time I did my job).

So I start my new week feeling fresh in my spirit and soul and Thanks to God for giving me the strength to finish all the work. Truly cleanliness is next to godliness!!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


"Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love."
I never cared to understand the meaning of the quote till I experienced it. Yes! Being a full time mom is the most precious and wonderful moment a woman can ever have in her life as a mother. With this year's mother's day I just stand in awe of my mother who managed a home, raised two babies and made successful adults of us. She had dedicated all of her time to us. She nurtured, sacrificed and gave us everything she could to bring us up. She was a dutiful wife and a loving and caring mother without whom I can never imagine what I would be.

When I was a kid I was surrounded by the notion that a woman should come out and stand on her own feet and prove herself in this male dominated world. There were several outstanding women to whom the entire nation looked up to and I, a fascinated small kid wanted to be like them too, thanks to my parents who never stopped my dreams and aspirations. All I wonder is what would have become of us if my mom too had gone out to work and we were left with some care takers? I would have surely been deprived of the wonderful memories of my childhood. I would have never known the meaning of the word 'Family'.

Today as a mother myself I feel guilty of not giving the complete love to my little one. These present times have made most of the women work as soon as they are done with earning their degrees not sparing me too. I was very happy to be employed in one of the best MNC's and it makes me proud to be a working woman. But at the bottom of my heart I am actually missing out something serious. My baby....I miss him so much. What do I gain by toiling all day? I miss his laughter his small hands flailing to reach my face and his cute small face...I just feel so empty....But life needs to go on and parents need to secure the future of their kids which drives them to work. And that is the bitter something which neutralizes all negatives that I feel and Am glad that he is with my mother and father that with some other person who would baby sit only for the money. He would get the same love that I had enjoyed.

I got an entire week to spend with him when my mom was hospitalized for a lithotripsy. That one week was the most precious to me. I devoted every second of that week to my son and that was the most awesome and best moment which I would cherish forever. And how sweet that I was with him on my first mother's day this year. May 13th of this year was made complete with me spending it with my son and my own mom too is back home after the successful operation. Being a full time mom is indeed the highest paid job. Above all Thanks to God for he is the Jireh of our lives who said "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; " in Isaiah 66:13.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Embracing Life

Life has changed topsy turvy to what it had been two years ago. Never did I imagine even in my wildest dreams of what I'm today. Along with the decisions I made, packages of all sorts of responsibilities came along which are inevitable. Just as night follows a day, bad things, experiences didn't spare me too and followed in suit to all the happy happenings.

All I wonder is how did women manage their lives all  through in the ages past??? am talking about the ones who made their lives successful and not about the women who ruined theirs.

While am wondering about that, here I am struggling to juggle work and home topped with the guilt of not being able to give the time my little man needs and deserves of me, leave alone my better-half. I have heard from most elderly women that family life in its initial stages is the toughest of all. So time has taught me the same thing and is taking me through it. We too had our share of bad experiences mixed with problems including the ones where peers, relatives peek into our lives with the pretext of advising and what not??? Life was made a hell too, sometimes. But in all through that God was gracious to us, leading us through all of those problems.

Winding back two years, I was a happy bird all pampered and safe in the nest called a happy home and never knew what responsibilities and worries really meant. Suddenly, as a mother eagle lets go of her baby off her back, I was let out of my nest. Now it takes me a hard time to understand how my parents raised , provided for and educated me, leaving me with the challenge of raising my son. Soon I would be missing my sweet gift for sometime who would stay with my parents who would surely have the time of their life with him.

Whatever life has to present me I'm glad that I've known the reason of one's successful existence on the earth. I know that when  I pass through the waters and rivers, it would not overflow me nor will the fire scorch me. I know I'm in the center of God's plan and safe under his wings.

So I have the hope that my life will surely be a success with Jesus as the rock of my life and let me embrace it as it blossoms under our Heavenly Father's care.

Saturday, March 03, 2012


As title of my blog page goes, this blog is my heart's voice about 'The institution of marriage". I felt to express it here after I experienced it personally. Marriage is simply an awesome plan of God for his children and how blessed it is to be in the center of God's plan. However the  many times I have heard long sermons and advice on this topic, it is a revelation when it happened to me.

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh." (Gen 2: 24). There is no other relation as this one, where two become ONE FLESH. Of-course all the other relations too are beautiful but in all that no one can ever become one. 

This Friday we had a birthday celebration for one of the management staff's in my office who's better half also works in the same place. That celebration had reminded me how wonderful is the institution of marriage where both are ONE FLESH. 

The same morning I had a very small tiff with my husband over something that had happened in the earlier days of our married life. I could never come out of that. But later in office the a part of the birthday toast of the B'day girl, had conveyed a lot to conveyed that I should love my husband just as Christ loved us with an unconditional way not expecting back and not looking at the drawbacks. How many times I have overlooked his unconditional love for me. It's him after God in my life and am sure it's the same for him too. 

As soon as the celebration was over and we returned back to our desks, I looked to God and said a small prayer to help me love my husband just as He loves us and immediately grabbed my cell phone and texted my husband 'I LOVE YOU '. My joy knew no bounds when he replied 'VERY MUCH SWEETHEART'. Truly I thank God for his awesome plan for us, his creation.